


The Feline Felon

by StainedGlassCryogonal



Category: VenturianTale Characters (Web Series)
Genre: Alcoholism, Cats, M/M, Murder, shooting at said cats, tHe pOwEr oF fReNsHip?!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StainedGlassCryogonal/pseuds/StainedGlassCryogonal
Summary: Jimmy tries to kill the wrong person, and becomes a cat. So he tries to get help from some. . . friends? I mean, "friends" is a strong word...(formerly "some clever pun I'd imagine")





	1. to be fair you DID stab first

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly there's probably a clever pun i could make about this, but i'm not in the mood for easy targets.

Jimmy woke up on the floor. To be fair, this is how most naptimes end for him, but this isn’t any floor he knows of. There’s actually _ carpet _ this time! Also his face really stings now, but if he just gets up--

He can’t get up. Panic sets in. Jimmy didn’t have the strength to stand. His eyes finally adjusted to see what was in front of him: this was a bedroom, with someone’s legs hanging off the bed in front of him.

“It’s been two whole days,” the woman said. “Do you remember why you’re here?”

Jimmy searched his memory. Max asked him to recruit someone, and if they didn’t want to join, then-

“You tried to kill me, you know. I don’t take kindly to that. I don’t think anyone does,” she continued in the murderer’s silence. “I was going to do the same to _ you _, but then I looked in your bag. . .”

Jimmy hissed, knowing full well where this conversation was headed. “You… read my..?”

“Not quite awake yet, Jimmy?” All that did was confirm what he already knew. “The thought of turning you in to the police- after all, this whole journal is evidence- started after I read the first bit, but the more I read… You wouldn’t last a week in a prison. I doubt they’d even send you to prison, they’d _just_ kill you. Back to square one.”

She waited for Jimmy’s reply. There was none besides him trying to get up again, and failing, falling back to the floor with a hiss.

“Most people in your situation try to defend themselves, you know…”

“Just shut up and do it already. Sick of this,” Jimmy hissed. It took too much strength to screech at her.

“You say that, but you’re not even aware of what I’m doing. Though reading through your journal,” another growl, but she continued, “I’m not surprised you wouldn’t. You’re perfectly content with murder. You wouldn’t keep doing it and then write about it if you weren’t. So that makes you a monster. But I’ll make a deal. You learn the lesson that you never had, and you can go back to regular life.”

“I don’t need a lesson!” he yelled, strength returning. He managed to crouch.

Then a flash of pain struck his whole body. The world spun, he screamed, and then he was back to darkness.

“Trust me. You don’t want to be awake for this part. I've been told it hurts a bit.”


	2. go for a ride in the car, don't die on the way there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy realizes his catness, and seeks help.

Oh, a new floor to wake up on! This time it’s a street. A soaking wet street. Was it raining last night? Actually, when was Jimmy even awake? It didn’t seem like night when he was awake, but now it’s daytime so maybe?

_ Ain’t gonna lie. Probably the second or third worst nap I’ve had. _

This turned out to be the least of Jimmy’s new problems. He could hear _ everything, _for starters. There was probably something else in the alley with him? He was soaked to the bone, and he barely managed to stand. He walked to the nearest puddle.

And knowing what he was now made everything so much worse.

A dark brown tabby cat stared back at him. It even had red eyes, like Jimmy had. Shorthaired, but with a thick coat. Jimmy stared for a few seconds, hoping it was a joke. . .

Nope. Nothing changed. Still a cat. A screeching one.

_ WHAT THE HECK WHY THOUGH HONESTLY I ONLY TRIED TO STAB HER ONCE _

A little boy and his father walked past the alleyway. “Look, Papa, a kitty!”

“Not a cat!” Jimmy yelled back.

“Come on, Connor, you’ll be late for school.” The boy’s father tugged him along, and they were gone again.

Jimmy couldn’t even be taken seriously as a cat. He hissed, now a real cat hiss, but tried to look at the one positive: _ I have knives for feet now. _And then his mind went blank on any other benefits to being a cat.

So he sat near the puddle and thought. The first help that came to mind was Maxwell and his “friends” (Maxwell did not have friends. The capacity of having anything but anger left long ago. These are more. . . business partners?), but there was no way to find them with this perspective, and they wouldn’t find him as a cat.

Then the second idea came to mind.

He walked out of the alleyway, and for very plot-convenient reasons, there was a large van parked outside a nearby building, a π painted on its side. A young man with a gray hoodie was screeching at an older man. The apartments behind them were almost completely ruined, not a window left intact. Jimmy came closer to listen.

“Look, I had _ nothing _ to do with that! The ghost we were fighting made all that mess!”

“You’re not getting paid for this, you know! I would’ve been better off with the ghost!”

“**THAT’S--**”

“Sir. . .” His partner, taller, and significantly more British, tapped the gray boi on the shoulder, interrupting him. “I think we need to leave.”

Well, Jimmy knew these people… “friends” wouldn’t be the right term. More like, uh… **Screw it**, in the back of the van before they notice him. This was the only option left.

There was a lot of equipment in here; Jimmy didn’t know what half of it did. He tucked himself at the opposite end, behind one of the very few things he knew the purpose of: the scanner. It searches for nearby ghosts and pings when there is one. It was off right now.

It always was, though. They couldn’t get it to stop beeping after they turned it on the first time. That’s a blessing. Probably the only one Jimmy’ll get.

Then the ghost hunters set their equipment in the back of the van, and shut the door. No turning back now.

It was dark in the back of the van, but he’d found a decently cozy spot. _ It wouldn’t hurt to take a little nap, would it? _

**\---**

“This is stupid!” Ghost was still screeching as they pulled into the driveway. Colon was driving, as the only person with a valid license. (_ “No, Toast, you got that one revoked THREE YEARS AGO, you can’t just--” _)

“There’s always next time!” Spooker piped up from the back, with no fear of being smacked upside the head.

“Y’know what? I’m just too-- Look, I can’t do this right now. Gonna go inside… and talk…” Ghost exited the vehicle, and opened the back.

All the equipment was where it was supposed to be… nothing was missing… but when did they need a cat tail?

Wait, that’s a whole cat.

“Toast…?”

“Yes, sir?” Toast finally stepped out of the van.

“Did you see Spooker put anything weird in the back?”

“You don’t let Spooker put things in the back anymore.”

“It was one puppy!” Spooker yelled, jacket caught on the van door.

“That was a ** _HELLHOUND_ ** ! Like, a ** _DOG on ETERNAL FIRE_ ** . We had to _ bury _ that last van because of you!”

“It was **cute**, though!”

“Sir, it _ was _ kinda cute…”

“Okay!” Ghost interrupted everyone. “So _ did you _ or _ did you not _put a cat in the back of the van?”

“Uh… No, I don’t think so.”

“I think you’d know if you shoved a cat into the van.”

“_ WELL YOU WERE SCREECHING AND I GOT SCARED _,” Spooker cried.

“Has nothing to do with the cat.”

The cat finally woke up at all the yelling going on. It climbed up on top of the scanner.

“Hi there, kitty!” Spooker waved at it.

“That cat has red eyes. It’s a paranormal CAT. **THIS IS THE DOG ALL OVER AGAIN!**” Ghost was just fuming. How could the same thing happen twice in one month?

“...can we keep him?” Ghost almost screeched again until he realized that was Toast.

“Why do you want a paranormal demon cat?”

“Uh… research.”

“You’re just saying that so you can pet him.”

“I mean, yes, petting research is important, too.”

Ghost, at this point, was close to catatonic. _ Is it possible to have a stroke from sheer rage? Because oh boy this is going GREAT. _ He gave up and went inside. The cat waited until the door closed before hopping down.

Toast did the only reasonable thing and tried to give the cat ear scritches. It swatted at his hand. “Okay, cat doesn’t like me…” Then Toast did the next reasonable thing and scooped the cat up.

There was very vocal complaining from Cat as they went in the door.

\---

_ This is my life now. I am in Hell. _ Jimmy wasn’t quite a fan of Toast, especially now. He just wouldn’t listen! _ Prob’ly ‘cause I’m a cat now. Ugh. _

The former human used to live in this house, though, so there were a few things coming to mind. _ Two floors, basement, attic, full of _ ** _manchildren_ ** . _ Attic seems best for now, but not gonna happen. _This wasn’t exactly the plan. Jimmy thought he’d have more power or something, but no. He was currently a normal cat being petted by a man who was, well, not nearly his best friend. Not exactly an enemy, either.

Jimmy rarely gave up on anything, but trying to get out of Toast’s snuggle grip was tiring. It also felt _ really good _for some reason. If he was any normal cat, this would be the prime nap spot. Unfortunately, Jimmy was a wanted serial killer of about 20 confirmed and another 25 that might be him (and he knew they were his). More notably, Jimmy was human and this was really weird.

Toast finally set Jimmy down on the floor of Spooker’s room. Small, two beds, the second for his best friend  Chris  . _ This might be the worst-- _

Jimmy had no problems lashing out at Spooker when he tried to pick the cat up. After, he bolted to under Chris’ bed.

“Spooker, you can’t just pick up a cat…” Chris was just sitting on his bed.

“But Toast did it-”

“Toast doesn’t know how to cat. Look, give it a night to adjust, maybe even a week, then try.”

Jimmy, for once, was thankful for the existence of the only half-decent manchild he knew. He could almost sleep under the bed. It’s just that he could hear everything going on in the house.

But the cat’s way wins, and Jimmy naps once more.


	3. hair black as ebony, skin white as snow, floof thicker than Spooker's skull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you forget that someone's a werewolf? Jimmy'd like to know, 'cause he sure doesn't remember Toast's doggoness.

It’d been a few nights since the cat came in, and Toast hadn’t seen it since he put it in Spooker’s room. Colon said it was still hiding under his bed.

The cat had better stay there tonight, though. It was now that time of the month.

_ Doggo time _ .

<strike> \--- </strike>

If Spooker would actually close the door to his room, then maybe Jimmy wouldn’t have as easy a time searching for solutions. The basement, where all the equipment was stored, was locked.  _ If only I still had Ghost… _

He heard something heavy upstairs.  _ Ohnonono they’re gonna find me..!  _ But it didn’t sound like people walking. It sounded more like…?

Cat instincts active. Black doggo walking downstairs. It’s hide under the chair time.

This was the worst hiding spot. The doggo sniffed the air. “Cat?” Oh, it was Toast. Voice slurred from being a werewolf, but still definitely Toast. Jimmy hissed at the doggo. “Go away!”

“Wait a second. . .” Toast regained some human composure. “Jimmy?” Toast walked towards the hiding spot. Jimmy forgot about his cat tail.

Yoink! It seemed like more of a cuddle, but Jimmy was clawing at Doggo!Toast, getting nothing but thick fur. Toast shifted a bit to stop being scratched.

“What’re you doing here, Jimmy? I thought you wanted nothing to do with us?” Toast’s doggo weight nearly crushed Jimmy’s kitty weight. Moving wasn’t an option.

“I didn’t come here because I _ wanted _ to!!! I just, uh… can’t not be a cat right now.”

Toast stopped, then picked up Jimmy by the back of his neck. Under protest, he brought Jimmy to the one couch that existed in this entire house. Then they plopped down on it.

“So you came here for help?

“Of course not! I just…”

“You just came here for help.”

“Did  **not!** ”

Jimmy tried changing the subject. “Do you think Spooker really  _ needs _ eyes? ‘Cause I was thinking--”

“Jimmy, you’re bad at lying.”

“Am n-” He was interrupted by doggo paw squish. “Hey, why’d ya-”

“So what I’m getting from this is that you got turned into a cat, which was  _ definitely _ your fault, and then you’re coming here to try and become a human again.”

Jimmy huffed. “No… but being a person would be nice right now…”

“But I have a question. How does this  _ not  _ benefit you?”

“Whaddaya mean?! I can’t kill people-”

“The police aren’t chasing you, you’ll probably never go to jail, and no one knows you’re you right now so you could just  _ start over _ . This is probably the only chance you’ll get to, well,  **stop killing people** .”

“But-”

“And more importantly,” Toast interrupted again, eliciting a choice word that we will just assume is a hiss, “how does turning you back into a human benefit anyone but you?”

“Could ya stop interrupting me!? I’m  _ trying _ to explain!” Jimmy huffed again.

A beat. “Well?”

Jimmy was genuinely trying to think. “I…”

“See, that’s the thing! You’ve never thought about what your actions mean to anyone else!” Toast almost shouted. “Now you’re finally seeing consequences and that’s when you try to stop!”

“...2005.”

“What?”

“2005. You still hadn’t hired any interns yet. Just you and Ghost. When you met me, remember?”

“Yes, I remember you trying to murder me.”

“Okay, fine, but  _ AFTER THAT _ .”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Just-- shut up and have a flashback already!!”

<strike> \--- </strike>

And thusly, Toast had his flashback.

_ It was actually 2003, but Jimmy was bad at time. And remembering things. It’s something he shared with Ghost. _

_ Toast and his best friend had finished a long day of ghost hunting. It was probably about 7 at night when they finally got back home. Ghost crashed the moment he hit his bed. He didn’t even attempt pajamas or blankets, he was just  _ out _ . Toast felt he could stay up a little longer. Possibly use some illicit substances and/or drink to curb his sorrow for a bit. _

_ Neither of those things had happened when the front door opened again. Toast was in the living room, and he glanced out the window. _

_ Ghost was going back out.  _ Maybe he forgot something?  _ He noticed something in Ghost’s hand, but didn’t quite see it.  _ I’ll just help him when he gets back. 

_ And he did come back, at 2 in the morning carrying  _ nothing _ . He opened the door to find Toast waiting. _

_ “Ghost, why’d you--” The Brit saw a flash of surprise in his friend’s eyes, then resolve. _

_ Then there was a knife to his heart. Another flash of surprise from Ghost. “Why isn’t it working?!” That was not a voice Toast’d ever heard his friend make. _

_ Toast grabbed the hand with the knife, twisting it until the knife was forced out of Ghost’s grip. The blade was promptly yeeted into the next room. He took a closer look at his friend. _

_ Ghost’s hair was usually much longer than that, reaching to his shoulders. It was cut short now. There was a scar running down the side of his face. Ghost did have a marking there, but nothing this severe. _

_ And brown eyes were red now, and fearful. _

_ “ _ ** _Get off!_ ** _ ” the imposter screeched, clawing at Toast. He changed his grip. _

_ “Who are you?” _

_ “It doesn’t matter anymore!” _

_ “Okay, then what’d you do with Ghost?” _

_ “I didn’t do anything to him! He’s fine! Look, I’ll just go back to bed--” _

_ “You know you’re explaining this to me, right?” _

_ “Don’t wanna!” _

_ Toast sighed. He usually didn’t deal with spirits this way. He picked up his friend, somehow even lighter than usual, and dropped him on the couch. “Just stay there for a second.” _

_ That demon, or whoever it was, just swore under his breath as he waited. “Could you not do that? I’m making you tea.” _

<strike> _ \--- _ </strike>

_ By the time tea was done, the imposter was curled up on the couch. “Don’t want any.” _

_ “Could you just try it? All I want to do is talk.” _

_ The monster shook its head. “Why not just call the cops? Not like I can kill you.” _

_ “That’s not the point.” Toast sat on the couch next to him. “And you’re in the body of my best friend. I’d lose him, too.” _

_ “Yeah, he wouldn’t let me shank you.” _

_ “I see that. Drink some tea.” _

_ The imposter sat up. He looked at the tea, sighed, and took a sip. He waited a moment, and then downed the entire cup. _

_ “Didn’t kill you, did it?” _

_ A beat, then the monster leaned against Toast. “Fine. It was okay. Why, did ya do something to it?” _

_ “Absolutely not. I just want to talk.” _

_ “You’re not gonna let it go?” More surprises. _

_ “Like I said, I just want to know some things. Why are you in my friend’s body, for starters?” _

_ “I was born here.” _

_ “That doesn’t make any sense. You’re possessing him, you have to have come from somewhere.” _

_ “Yeah? That somewhere is Ghost.” _

_ “That doesn’t…” Toast put one hand to his head. “Fine. What’s your name?” _

_ “Jimmy. Well, Jimmy Casket.” _

_ “As in the kid who runs around killing people? What was the number, 4 so far?” _

_ Jimmy nodded. “Do you have any more tea?” _

_ “No, I don’t. Could you maybe  _ not _ kill people?” _

_ “Mmmm that’s not how it works.” _

_ “How  _ what _ works?” _

_ “Don’t worry about it! I’m guessing the next question is how I got here, which is the most fun of them all because I don’t know!” _

_ “You’re changing the subject, and I get that, but how could you not know how you--” _

_ “I wasn’t here, then I was.” Jimmy smiled faintly, snuggling up even more against Toast. “Why’d I get so tired…?” _

_ “Well, it was probably the tea.” _

_ “So you  _ did _ do somethin’ to it.” Jimmy was too tired to be angry. “You’re warm.” _

_ “Uh… thanks? And I didn’t.” _

_ “Bad at lyin’.” Then his best friend/murderer/okayish person was back to sleep. _

_ Toast left him on the couch. _

<strike> \--- </strike>

_ _

“Jimmy, I get why you’re trying to waste my time, but what does that have to do with right now?”

“I mean… you were nice to me then.”

“I was nice because you took over my friend’s body and I wasn’t sure what you could do to him. Now you’ve split from him.” The doggo growl was slightly louder than usual.

“Toast… fine, I can stay a cat… but Ghost can’t know. He’ll kill me.”

“He probably will. I’ll try to stop him, but more than likely, coming here was a mistake.”

“You’ll try to stop him?” Jimmycat wiggled a bit to loosen himself. “So you care?”

At that pivotal moment, for plot-convenient reasons, Ghost walked down the stairs. He stared at his werewolf friend and cat enemy. “Toast? Is this what you meant by research?”

Toastdoggo nodded. “You know you could just eat the cat and no one would blame you?”

“Toast, please don’t…” Casket whispered.

Toast instead rested his head on the cat. “We’ll talk later.”

This was Jimmy’s life now. Pillow for a British werewolf. May as well nap a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> headcanon: the berries they were picking prevent lycanthropy but don't cure it, so ghost is fine but toast isn't


	4. the fastest way to set your pants on fire is to say "Ghost never killed anyone"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toast tries to get a talking spell for Casket.

Colon was just sitting in his bedroom, reading a nice book of _eldritch spells to cast upon your enemies_, when someone knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Toast? Yeah, sure.” He yeeted the sorcery book onto the pile of every other spell book he had, and opened the door for his boss.

The cat was the first to come in, rushing past everyone. “Don’t worry, he’s fine. Actually, uh, that’s what I wanted to talk about…”

"Is Ghost giving you a hard time about him?”

“No, no, it’s just… I had a conversation with him, last night, uh, when I was a wolf… He’s a person.”

“Oh, so like, he got turned into a cat.”

“Yeah, do any of your spells fix that?”

“Toast,” the warlock closed his eyes, sighed, and said, “remember the last time I tried to unmorph someone?”

** _Because Colon remembered. The screams, the body parts all in their wrong places, the realization that the only help for this creature was a swift death._ **

_They were not paid for that job._

“Oh. So why didn’t that work? You never told us.”

“Basically I found out that there’s a bit of the caster in the morph as well. They have to constantly use magic to keep it going. So, you can either kill them,” which caused the cat to perk up significantly, “or ask them to stop. Otherwise, their magic messes with yours and it creates… well…” Colon trailed off.

“So we need to know who did this to him, and ask them to change him back and/or murder them in cold blood?” The cat jumped up into Toast’s dumb pink bag at the notion. “Get out of there!” Cat promptly thrown out of the dumb pink bag.

“Are you sure that’s not just a regular cat?”

“He’s just a really weird person.”

“Fine.” Colon thought for a second. “I could cast a spell that lets him talk, or cast one on each of us that lets us understand him.”

“The second one’s fine, but… could you not cast it on Ghost?”

The door opened up again. “Hey, guys, what are we doin’?” Speak of the Ghost and he shall appear.

“Oh!” Toast shooed the cat away.

The cat did not need shooing.

“So it’s a spell to talk to the cat, huh? I mean, it is a paranormal entity…” Ghost closed the door behind him. “The cat is in here, right?”

“Nope!” Spooker slid out from under the covers. “No cat. Definitely no cat.”

“Were you in here the whole time?” Toast had the large confusion.

“Yep!”

“Could you just, uh, go back to sleep?”

“Okay!” Spooker’s back under the covers.

“I mean, if we’re gonna talk to the cat, why not just cast the spell on… I guess everyone in the house?” Ghost ignored Fred Spooker, as was the norm.

“Why not just us four?” Toast asked.

Colon opened his eyes for the first time in 5 whole minutes. “So basically it takes less to do that than to just cast it on each of us individually.”

“Are you making that up?” Toast had the colossal confusion.

“I wish I was!”

“Colon, can you just do it before we can ask any more questions?” Ghost shooshed the next response from Toast.

“Fine!”

And thus Colon DID THE THING. To a non-warlock it looked like nothing at all. It was actually a lot of concentration to cast something like that.

_Colon was, in fact, making it up. He just didn’t feel like having to focus this much more than once._

“So… did it work?,” Spooker asked, under the covers.

“It better have!,” a new voice called. Ghost went pale. He drew his gun.

Safety off. “**Where is he**?”

“What do you mean?” Toast feigned innocence.

“I mean, where in the ** _HELL_ ** ** IS THE CAT**?!” Ghost almost screamed. Then his voice went real quiet. “‘Cause I’m real close to taking him out behind the shed…”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Spooker started, until Colon walked over and explained it to him. “Why would you do that to Kitty?!”

“That cat-- that person!-- _ RUINED MY LIFE _. Jimmy, where’d you go?!”

Spooker was hiding Jimmy under the covers, petting occasionally.

“I wasn’t aware that he was Jimmy,” Toast lied (poorly).

“Well, now** I’m** aware and it’s _ personal _! Real personal!”

“If we just calm down and talk to him for a minute like we were supposed to--”

“Oh, so** _ I _ ** should be calm? How can I be calm when he got me arrested several times, got me sent to an asylum for a week, got me sent to a psychiatrist on and off for _ ten whole years _ , and caused kids to bully me _ even more _ because I was **the crazy kid**! But no, let me just be calm about the whole thing! It’ll work out just as well as every other time I did that!”

The room went silent.

“You know what, Ghost? Fine.” Jimmycat crawled out from under Spooker’s covers.

Ghost almost pulled the trigger. He opened the bedroom door. “Leave. Don’t ever come back here again. Next time I see you you’re _ dead _.”

Jimmy shrugged before heading out the door. He looked back--

\--and nyoomed down the hallway, definitely not towards outside.

Ghost took a shot, but it hit the wall at the end. “If I find you, I’m _ choking the life out of you _!” he screeched to no one in particular.

He then whipped around back to the room. Safety on, gun away. “Spooker,” he started in his second-worst tone to find him using, the _mom tone_, “why’d you hide him?”

“He’s cute…” Spooker started.

“He killed you once!”

“I don’t remember that part, honestly.”

“Y- you know what? Not in the mood today, either. Just gonna go hunting for serial killers… Do what you want, I guess.” Ghost stormed out of the room.

Everyone left looked at each other.

“This isn’t going to go well, is it?” Toast asked.

“Nnnope.” Colon put a palm to his face.

<strike> \- -- </strike>

Jimmy finally stopped running, taking a moment to catch his breath. He was really fast now, though!

And also really tired.

He looked around the room he’d found himself in. Boxes of stuff, all covered with some tarps, an old mattress with some plastic covering. Dust everywhere. _ It’s the attic, and nothing’s changed. _

Jimmy listened to make sure Ghost wasn’t getting closer, laid on the bed, and went to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  


Or he did, until someone started petting him. He almost screamed until he remembered the current situation. “Why?” he whisper-screamed to the petter.

The petter was a young woman, wearing a dress that was too large. She also had dead eyes.

_Right. A ghost. _No wonder he couldn’t see her at first.

“Well, kitty, it’s because you’re cute and fluffy!” She had an accent. Jimmy vaguely remembered this person. “Wait… how are you talking to me?” she asked.

“Uh… magic?” Jimmy tried to keep his voice down as best as possible.

“Oh! Did Mister Ghost’s friend do that to you? I know him very well!” she continued. “I can’t believe he’d get a cat, though…”

“Well, he didn’t. Hey, what’s your name?” Jimmy changed the subject poorly.

“I’m Aimee!”

Oh no, he did remember this person.

“Oh… right… Aimee… yeah…” Welcome to the worst possible situation to be in.

She stroked Jimmy’s head again, then wondered aloud, “Why do you sound so much like Mister Ghost?”

“Uh… we’re brothers? Yeah, let’s go with that. Alsocanyounotdothatplease?”

Aimee ignored the last question entirely and continued petting. “How could you be his brother if you became a cat?”

Jimmy’d had enough of the entire conversation and started biting and scratching Aimee’s closest arm.

It did nothing to her ghostly body.

“Well, you certainly seem a lot like him! Very hard to get.”

“How are you still here?!” He was biting Aimee really hard, why wasn’t it working?! She even continued to pet him with her other arm.

“I’ve been following Ghost!”

“Stalking him?”

“Maybe! Is that the right word?” Aimee actually thought for a moment. “I never got your name, Mister Ghost’s brother.”

“Uh, it’s Jimmy. Johnny doesn’t know I’m here, though, so can you just not tell him?”

“Oh, it’s a surprise for Ghost? I can help you with that! I’m very good at surprises.”

“Yeah, you are. Can I stay up here a while?”

“Of course. You’re very cute and fluffy.”

Jimmy sighed, taking his claws out of Aimee. He slid down to the mattress. _ Apparently I’m cute now. _

_ Worst curse ever. _


	5. no tea was harmed in the making of this fanfic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aimee tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to fix the formatting from here on out. Maybe in the future I'll go back and update the old chapters to reflect this.

Ghost was resting his head against the coffee table in front of the couch. _ Just another minute of nap, then go find Jimmy. _This was Ghost’s entire night every night for the past week: wake back up, grab his gun, hunt for cat, find lack of cat, go to bed before dawn.

He had the tired eyes of a boy with vengeance to attain.

Toast walked to the coffee table, carrying two cups of tea. He set one in front of Ghost. “Feeling alright?”

Ghost refused to lift his head. “Do you know if he’s still in the house?”

“If he’s smart, he wouldn’t be.”

“Then he’s still here.” Ghost was on the verge of tears. “I thought I was done with this part, you know? Once he left, I’d be free from ever even having to think about him again. I thought I was done with the nightmares, waking up on the opposite side of town, waking up in a jail cell and having you bail me out before the whole thing gets worse...

I just… I just wanted to be done with it.” Aaaand he’s crying.

Toast wrapped an arm around his oldest friend. The sobs lessened a bit.

“So… why’re you up so late?” Ghost looked up. Now not just tired eyes, but red from tears. He brushed the long hair from his face as he wiped some tears off.

“I just wanted to check on you. And, I guess, bring some tea…”

Ghost laughed a bit. “You always do this, y’know?” He took a sip, and felt a little better.

“It always works, doesn’t it?”

“...you’re not wrong.” Ghost glanced at his partner. “Why check on me now?”

“It’s been a week. You’re overworking yourself on this.”

“It’s not like we have any other jobs!,” the salty boy yelled.

“But you’re not gonna find him when you’re that tired!”

“But I have to! I have to get revenge on him!”

Toast put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “If you plan on killing him… doesn’t it make you as bad as he is? Just murdering him in cold blood?”

“How does that make me evil?! He ruined my life for the past 20 years!”

“Then why not bring him to justice? We’re paranormal investigators, we’re not executioners!”

“Why do you care?!” the American screeched, getting real close to tossing his tea across the room.

His best friend grabbed his hand before any tea could be harmed. “Do you remember the first time that happened to you? That he hurt someone?”

“...yeah… in middle school. Why?”

“Do you remember who he hurt?”

“...No, lemme think for a sec.”

\---

_ It was 7th grade, in a school consisting of only 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. Everyone knew everyone in Little Butt, NC’s oldest school. It was just about winter break now, and most people were excited to stop being in class. _

_ Ghost would not be taking classes today regardless. He had a cast over his left arm and bruises. He’d just gotten out of the hospital and was sent to the counseling office. _

_ “I didn’t do anything!” he started. _

_ “Okay, Johnny,” the counselor (Mrs. Hunter or something? It was a long time ago) said softly, “but those kids are still in the hospital. I just wanted to know what made you-” _

_ “But I didn’t hurt them!” _

_ “Those other boys have to have gotten hurt somehow. Did you bring anything to school that you shouldn’t have had?” _

_ “Of course I didn’t!” Johnny was about to cry. _

_ “Alright, alright…” She had to try a different method before this went too far. “Do you remember anything that happened?” _

_ “N-no… I just remember them walking up to me after class, asking if I wanted to see something neat…” _

_ “Where’d they take you?” _

_ “Uh… Behind the school, near the fence…” _

_ “Okay, and then?” _

_ “I… don’t remember after that.” _

_ “Alright.” The counselor grabbed smol Ghost’s hand. “You’re not gonna be in trouble here, but your mom is going to have to take you somewhere where they can help you.” _

_ “But… what about..?” He trailed off. _

_ “It’s okay. You can come back to school in the spring.” _

\---

“Those kids didn’t die, but that’s not an excuse!”

“But you don’t know the whole story. If you asked Jimmy-”

“It doesn’t matter! The rest of middle school was me being called a psycho,” Ghost shouted, “and then all of high school was too! You were the only one who’d still talk to me after that!”

“What if I help you find him, you ask questions, and _ then _ you can shoot him?”

Ghost huffed. “You’re not gonna let this go. Fine. Lemme just finish my tea...”

\---

“Aren’t you going to surprise him yet, Mister Casket?” Jimmy explained himself a little better over the past week.

“I mean… I really screwed up, and he hates me now.”

Aimee stopped petting the cat for once in the past several days. “Why not just apologize?”

“We’re at the point where I’m dead if he sees me again.”

“Why does he hate you so much?”

“...that’s way too long a story.”

“I understand,” Aimee nodded, smiled, and said, “but if you can get a chance to apologize, you should! Here, I’ll help you with it!” She started climbing down from the attic.

“What the heck, woman?!?!” 

\---

“Alright, all done. Let’s-” Ghost felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to the source.

His only fangirl. “Hello, Mister Ghost!”

“**WHEN DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE I THOUGHT I GHOST-PROOFED THIS PLACE**.”

“Oh, your friend let me in! He said I should get a chance.” Not one person in the room wanted to pry into what that was.

Toast looked at the ghost woman. “So… why are you down here?”

“Actually, your brother wanted to apologize!”

Toast first thought it might be his brother, but that man apologizes for nothing. He looked to his best friend.

Ghost sat up very slowly. “My brother?! MY **BROTHER**?! WHAT DID HE SAY TO YOU!?”

“He said he wanted to talk.”

“Oh, how _ convenient _ .” Ghost no longer had the energy for yelling, only for sarcasm. “Where is he so I can _ definitely _ not shoot him?”

“Your brother’s hiding in the attic. He’s a lot like you, actually! Just much smaller and cuter!”

Suddenly there was a screech from above. “WHY’D YOU RAT ME OUT?!”

“You said you wanted to apologize, Mister Casket! I was just helping!”

“NOT HELPING!” Jimmy screeched back.

“Can we all calm down for a second,” Toast said, “and just get everyone down here, so we can talk this over?”

The American groaned. “We’re really gonna do this? Fine…”


	6. cats have many parts, but the best are clearly the toe beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The PIE team discusses their options
> 
> Also, blood and stuff at the flashback. TW I guess, also for bullying

The PIE team had gathered around the  _ one _ table in Ghost’s home large enough to fit everyone.

Aimee looked in from the other room. “Hello, Mister Ghost!”

“Okay, so everyone’s up to speed on this whole… thing?” Ghost started. “Aimee, you need to leave.”

“Aww! Fine, then, Mister Ghost.” She faded away.

“Question!” Spooker yelled. “Can I touch his toe beans?”

“My WHAT?!” Jimmy screeched. “If you wanna lose an eye, maybe!” He rushed to the far side of the table, where Toast sat.

“...I think that deal is worth it.”

Ghost slammed his hands against the table. “ **RELEVANT** questions, please! I’ll start, ‘cause it seems like Spooker’s questions are all dumb and no one else has any! So… Oh wow, this is hard.”

Toast thought for a moment. “Why not ask him about you? He was you for a while, wasn’t he?”

“I was  _ ALWAYS  _ him, but whatever…”

“Okay, then that’s my first question: How can you be me if I’m me?” Ghost was the skeptical boye.

“We’re both you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

“I’m sure you can investigate that like you do everything else: poorly and without pay because you blew something up!”

Ghost took a quick breath. “That only happened last month.”

“I was you, I saw everything. It’s happened at least 3 times.”

“This is getting nowhere… Okay, how long have you been me?”

Jimmy looked up, thinking… “Remember those guys who left you for dead behind your school?”

“Wait, they  _ what _ ?”

“Oh, yeah, they were gonna beat you to death and leave you there. I think you’re just bad at remembering things.”

Ghost huffed. “Okay, start over. You’re the one that stabbed them?”

“I only stabbed ‘em once! I should’ve done it more…”

“Don’t. Just… explain the whole thing.”

“Fiiine.”

\---

_ And so the cat had his flashback. _

_ Naturally, in this scenario, he was not a cat. Jimmy was, in fact, a child in the seventh grade. He’d never gone to school, but someone certainly did! _

_ And he was bleeding out on the grass. _

_ “Come on, guys, let’s get outta here.” Footsteps coming towards him, one last kick, and then they started walking off. _

_ Jimmy stood up, one leg damaged and one arm disabled (later it turns out it was broken). “S’ my turn…” He spat out some blood. _

_ “What?” Three older boys turned around. “This isn’t a game!” _

_ “But you looked like you were having fun!” Jimmy’s eyes became brighter. “It’s a game, and now it’s my turn!” _

_ “Uh…” The youngest of the three bullies started. “He shouldn’t be  _ able _ to stand…” _

_ “Then we just kick him back down!” The two others charged towards Jimmy. _

_ Jimmy looked at his one working hand, the blood and dirt all over it. They were getting closer. _

_ The smaller of the two boys didn’t falter right up until there was a knife in his gut. He screeched. The one who wasn’t in pursuit fled for help. _

_ “What’d he--?” The leader looked at his fallen ally. “You… psycho! Where the hell did you get that?!” He pointed at Jimmy’s knife. _

_ “Well, you took so long with your turn that I found it!” _

_ “You’ll pay for that!” He charged into Jimmy. _

_ This was the worst mistake anyone had ever made. Jimmy made a shot at his chest. It made its mark in the bully’s stomach... _

_ Even as he was knocked out by the larger boy. The knife dissipated back into blood. _

_ Jimmy’s last memory was of sirens and a man giving orders. _

\---

Ghost went silent.

“Holy…” Colon started, just to break the silence.

“They didn’t die, though!” Jimmy was a defensive boye.

“Casket…” Ghost’s voice was quiet. “I’ll give you that one. But--” and his voice got louder-- “you can’t take credit for the  _ one _ thing you did right when you managed to screw up  ** _everything else_ ** !”

“It wasn’t the only time! When you’re gonna die, you shut down, and then  _ I  _ have to fix it!”

“Why don’t I remember that ever happening?!”

“You suck at remembering things!”

Toast interrupted. “Sir, I think when you shut down, you stop having memory. Jimmy remembers all of those moments, it’s just you that doesn’t.”

“I… I’m done.” Ghost buried his face in his hands. “Moving on… how?”

“Well, basically, there was a kid, and he couldn’t handle what had happened to him, and he used his ghost powers to split himself. In half.”

“And I don’t remember this why?”

“You’re the one who doesn’t remember anything before then. The kid thought that he’d never live a good life because of everything that happened.”

“Like what?”

Jimmy looked down. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I just realized,” Colon said, “that he never actually answered how long he’s been with you.”

“Well, that was the first time I had any control…”

“But that’s not how long you’ve been with him, it’s just how long you’ve been able to take control--”

“**IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!**” Jimmy yelled. “I can’t take control, I’m pushed into it when Johnny shuts down!” Toast put a hand on Jimmy’s smol cat shoulder, in an attempt to calm the feline felon.

It did not calm him. Cat was now breathing heavily. Ghost sighed.  
“Okay… Fine, we’ll help you. But you have to promise us that you’ll stop killing people. And that you’ll help me understand this whole… thing.”

Jimmy thought about the offer. “I…”

“I can’t believe you actually have to think about the concept of  _ not murdering someone.  _ Or answering a question properly.”

“_THIS IS HARD, OKAY?!_” Jimmy tried calming himself down, failed, and then said, “But I’ll do it! Being a cat is overrated! No one takes me seriously.”

Spooker, reaching across the table while Jimmy was busy, booped the cat snoot. “Okay, that’s it, he’s next!” Jimmy leaped onto Spooker’s arm and pounced at the kid’s face.

And then he was locked into a grapple hug. “Awww, it was just a boop!” Casket twisted to scratch the boye. It did not work. It only made Casket angrier.

Toast managed to get Jimmy out of the manchild’s grasp. “Please don’t do that, Spooker. He really  _ will  _ take out your eye.” He set the murderous floof back on the table.

“It’d be worth it, though!”

Ghost raised his hand. “I wouldn’t actually mind Jimmy doing that. More importantly, I’m tired. It’s, like,” he checked his watch, going wide eyed, “two in the morning?! Ugh, stupid cat.”

Jimmy sat down, catching his breath after the horrible cuddling ordeal. “Fine, I’m gonna go sleep upstairs.”

And thus the team of four and one-fifth went to sleep.


	7. giving all of yourself until there's nothing left of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no not the angst
> 
> TW: alcoholism, depression, spooky stuff

It had been several days since “The Talk”. P.I.E continued to have a lack of work, thanks to the apartment explosion.

Tonight was dark, eerie even. The moon was gone. One light was on in the house. Aimee hadn’t come back yet, and Jimmy was bored out of his smol cat skull. His only choice for entertainment was to find anyone who was still awake and torment them. Perhaps dig his claws into their flesh. They still bleed, just a little less.

The floof took a sniff of the air. Alcohol?  _ Oh, boy.  _ He made his way to the table, the same one they had “The Talk” over a while back.

Toast was slumped over the table, several empty bottles of his fine  _ a l c o h o l _ and a few still-drinkable ones nearby, the light on directly over him. Jimmy huffed. A few bounds later and he was on the table.

Toast opened one unfocused eye. “Go away, cat,” he mumbled. The cat laid down on the table. Going away was not on his to-do list. Toast reached out a hand and tried pushing Jimmy off the table.

“What’s your problem?,” Jimmy hissed, getting on top of Toast’s arm. “Bein’ mean to me…”

Toast’s other eye opened, as he prepared to yeet Jimmy off the table. He was too slow for the killer cat, and soon Jimmy was sitting right in front of the drunk boye. “ _ Go away _ ,” Toast said more forcefully,

“No. You can’t tell me what to do.” Jimmy’s child-voice just upset Toast even more. The human slammed a hand onto the table. The feline recoiled.

“That’s the point!” Toast cried, before returning to his former head-in-arms position. “That’s the bloody point…”

Jimmy heard the human start crying. He walked even closer to the Brit. “I know this is a weird thing to ask… but are you okay?”

Toast chuckled in between his sobs. “Of course I’m not! How could I be?!”

“Uh… you’re really weird-”

“I couldn’t get you to quit your… thing! I couldn’t get Gavin to stop with his experimenting, I couldn’t even save my own wife! Or Ghost’s old girlfriend! My entire ** _ LIFE_ ** is things I can’t do!”

Casket fell silent, then started again, “Why so obsessed with it? The past? The past doesn’t matter.”

“Because it keeps happening! Over and over!”

“Is this whole… drinking thing helping!?”

“It helps long enough,” Toast said, reaching for another drink.

“ **NO!** ” Jimmy threw his whole body into the full drinks. They fell to the floor, shattering. He barely stopped himself from falling off the table entirely. “You’re not helpin’ _ anyone _ doing that!”

“Why even ask if you’re just gonna do that?!” Toast put his head back into his arms.

“‘Cause I-” Jimmy cut himself off. “Look, if you guys are gonna help me get back to being a people, I’m gonna need you to, you know,  _ do _ things.”

Toast huffed. “Fine.” He was tired anyway, and opted to sleep as he was.

The cat, satisfied, laid against Toast’s warm arms and went to sleep as well.

\---

_ Jimmy sat up. He took a quick look at himself- he was human again! Perhaps all the catness was just a dream, and he’d never have to associate with Ghost ever again! _

_ He then took a look around and realized that this couldn’t be the real world. It was downtown Little Butt, but there was no one there. The colors didn’t make sense; mostly red with flashes of other colors.  _

_ And he could hear things in the alleyways. Horrid things. Jimmy reminded himself why he tried to never sleep. He stood up fully, arming himself with his trusty knife. _

_ A shadowy monster crept out from behind one building. The creature stood about as high as a human. It had so many limbs… “Dear little thing, why do you still do this? Fighting us won’t save you. Just give in. It’s easier.” _

_ Jimmy hissed, rushing at it. “Very well.” The horror’s entire body convulsed as it grew, until it had overgrown the building it had used as a home. _

_ The murderer stopped, panicking. Then the creature shrieked, attempting to shake something off of it. Whatever it was, it couldn’t, and the abomination fell onto the street. _

_ Then the street, the monster, and the rest of the city was gone. Jimmy was left in a black void. With one person. _

_ “G-Gav?!” Jimmy had never been so happy to see this jerk in his life. Same appearance as his twin brother Johnny, but less drunk, and with a green spark in his eyes. _

_ “You’re alive?” Gavin seemed confused. “I couldn’t find you, I thought you were dead.” _

_ “Of course I’m alive! When have I ever  _ ** _not _ ** _ been alive!?” _

_ “Then why didn’t you come back to us?”  _ Us. Maxwell. Housekeeper.

_ “Well, I mean- I couldn’t find you! It was easier to go back to P.I.E and see if-” _

_ “You what? Went back with those morons? You haven’t changed at all.” _

_ “It’s not my fault!” _

_ “Of course it’s your fault! You made a choice, and it was the wrong one.” Gavin shrugged. “I still have no idea how you manage that.” _

_ “Shut up! G-get out of my head!” Jimmy screamed. _

_ “Okay. One last thing. Why do you have cat ears?” _

_ “Huh?” Gavin got closer to Jimmy, patting him on the head. Now he could feel them. _

_ Gav then sighed. “I’ll forgive you if you come back.” _

_ “I’ll… think about it.” _

_ The worse Brit shook his head before vanishing. _

\---

Cat Jimmy woke up, panicked once again. There was a hand on him! Unauthorized petting was met with claws.

“Hey!” Ghost shouted. “You were shaking!  _ Sorry _ for trying to check if you were okay!” If you were to look at an X-ray of Ghost, you would actually find that he’s made up of 40% passive-aggression.

Jimmy hopped off the table. “Goin’ back to the attic to sleep.” Which he did!

Ghost looked at his best friend, passed out on the table at 5 in the morning, then down at the glass shards and overall mess. “I hate this already.”


	8. the investigators do their job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well i'd argue it's a job but only half of them get paid

“Hey guys,” Ghost started, “we finally got another investigation.” He was already packing his equipment.

Toast, still hungover, was the first to respond. “Who’s the client?”

“The only people who’ll still call us even if we manage to blow up an apartment building.” Ghost sighed. “Acachallas.”

“Oh, cool.” Spooker piped up. “So I can go see Sally again?”

“I mean, yeah… wait, why do you want to see Sally?” Ghost had the confuse.

Before Spooker could even respond, there was a  _ thump _ on the stairs. “Stupid stairs. Gonna stab all these stairs when I get back to being people.” Jimmy looked up at the people leaving. “Oh, you guys are going somewhere? I’ll just stay here, then.”

Ghost nodded. “I mean, yeah, sure, haha…”

The cat moved closer. “Whaddaya mean by that?”

The human suddenly scooped up his feline double. “I’m not gonna trust you with the base.” Over screeching protest he shoved Jimmy into the same bag as the equipment, zipping the bag up.

“WHAT THE HECK WHY?!”

“Look, I’ll let you out when we get in the car.”

Toast was able to stand up again without a massive headache. “I think we can go now.”

“I mean, Papa didn’t mention anything about, you know, what kind of problem he has…”

“It’ll be fine! When has going to their house ever caused problems?”

“Uh…” Ghost started having Acachalla flashbacks. “Y’know what, let’s just go.” He picked up the equipment/cat bag and headed to the van, ignoring the death threats Jimmy was tossing at him.

\---

The Acachallas lived about 30 minutes away from town, as Little Butt, NC had passed an ordinance stating that the family can’t be within 10 miles due to “destruction of property”. Something about a dinosaur at the county fair.

Colon was still the designated driver, Toast was riding shotgun with him, which forced Ghost to sit next to  _ Spooker. _ Worst day of his life. Also, the death threats hadn’t ceased since they left.

Ghost unzipped the bag a little bit, and had to dodge Jimmy’s cat head coming out to bite him. “YOU SAID WHEN WE GOT IN THE CAR!”

“Ya know, I could just zip the bag back up…”

Jimmy climbed fully out of the bag. “BAG SMELLS LIKE BLEACH. WHY ARE YOU BLEACHING YOUR BAG!?”

Ghost looked inside the bag, noting the brown fur that seemed to cover everything in it. “Next time I’m just shoving you in Toast’s bag. Also, I have to bleach all of this again later.”

“I’M GOING TO EAT YOUR EARS.”

“Alright, then, do it.” Ghost stared down at his feline enemy.

“Wait, guys, I have an idea.” Spooker had restrained himself from petting the cat for a while now.

“Okay, the last time you had an idea-”

“Nonono wait this is a good idea.” Spooker pulled a colorful thing out of his jacket’s pocket, squeezed it, and then tossed it next to Jimmy.

“What the heck is this.” Jimmy stared at it. A toy mouse. “I’m still not a cat, I’m a peopl-” He smelled something.

“Where’d you get that?” Ghost watched the cat lean towards the mouse.

“I found it.”

“Okay, but did you pay for it?”

“Look, they gave it to me for free.” 

Jimmy squished the toy mouse a bit. So that’s where the smell was coming from.

“Nobody ever gives things out for free, did you steal it?” Johnny pulled out his phone just as Jimmy started to play with the toy, murmuring something.

“Look, it’s working.” Spooker was watching now too, ignoring the question entirely.

“I know, this is amazing.” Recording on.

Jimmy kept batting and pouncing on the mouse for two whole minutes, muttering drowsily, before he started tearing it apart, revealing the catnip inside. Johnny Ghost had officially created the greatest video of all time.

Finally, the catnip’s effect wore off. “WHAT THE HECK, THIS IS FULL OF VEGETABLES! WHEN’D IT GET FULL OF VEGETABLES?!” Jimmy coughed, licking his teeth to get the shredded plants out. “Bleh!”

Ghost leaned over and whispered to Spooker. “Let’s just never tell him about it, this is fun.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DON’T TELL ME ABOUT IT’?”

The van finally stopped at the Acachalla household. “Oh, look at that, we’re finally here.”

“YOU CAN’T JUST-” Ghost shoved his double back in the bag. “Don’t think Papa likes cats, actually.”

And yet Johnny Ghost, absolute genius that he is, brought the bag with him anyway. “Hey, sir,” Toast asked, getting out of the van, “are you sure you want to bring him into the house?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

****   
  


\---

****   
  


Papa lived in the same old house he’d always been in. Three floors, basement, garden, bullet holes peppering the brick outer walls, the inner walls. If you could find a single wall in the house without some sort of issue, you’d have a miracle. Nothing’s changed. Ghost rang their doorbell, his partners behind him. A gruff voice answered. “Yeh?”

“Hey, Papa, it’s P.I.E. You called us?”

“Uh…” It took Papa a second. “Yeah, come on in.” He unlocked the doors.

His partners set off to talk to the other members of the family. Ghost set his cat bag on the kitchen table, whispering “please don’t do anything dumb” before turning back to Papa. “Yeah, so what’s the problem? Is it in the house?”   
“Well, no, it’s in our new house.”

“You… bought another house.”

“Well, our old summer home was in the town, uh, we’re not allowed in the town anymore.”

A girl’s voice called from upstairs. “It’s STUPID! Freddy did  _ nothing wrong _ !”

“Aaaanyway. Yeh, so there’s a nice little house in the mountains, except people got murdered there, and now it’s haunted.”

The investigator just couldn’t believe how this sounded. “You bought a house… knowing that it was haunted?”

“Yeh. It’s perfect. We can stay inside, Freddy runs around outside with the squirrels and the deers.”

“It’s not perfect, it’s haunted. Also, it’s ‘deer’.”

“Are you questionin’ Papa Acachalla’s perfect grasp on the English!?” Papa brought out his shotgun.

“Absolutely not!” Ghost put his hands up. “Really don’t feel like dying here, if you don’t mind…”

“Good.” The gun was put away. “Also, can I pay ye to get rid of the thing in the basement?”

“Spencer? We can’t get rid of Spencer.”

“But if I pay ye-” Papa looked behind Johnny. “What is that.”

“What’s what-” He looked behind him.

Jimmy had somehow managed to get enough of the zipper at the top of the bag unzipped to poke his kitty head out. He was currently making an effort to get the rest of his body out of the bag as well. Until the people noticed him.

“Is that a  _ feline _ ?” Papa asked. “You bringin’ a durn feline into mah house?”

Ghost stepped back a bit to the bag, shoving Jimmy back in. “There are  _ absolutely zero _ cats in this bag.” He then whispered to the dumb cat. “what are you doing I thought I told you no doing stupid stuff” 

Jimmy had less of a sense of volume. “I’m not gonna stay in your bag! It’s poking me. Don’t like it.”

“I can hear the cat, Johnny. Also, was its eyes blood red? Bringin’ a paranormal feline into my house?”

“Did someone say something about a kitty cat?” Sally was walking down the stairs.

“Ugh, fine.” Johnny turned around. “Yeah, we have a cat now, yeah, I brought the cat in here, but he’s gotta learn how to ride in the van and stuff.”

“...Can I pet him?” Sally had wide eyes.

Johnny looked back at his double. He had equally wide eyes. “Please don’t.”

To get sweet revenge or to not get sweet revenge? Then Ghost decided.“You know what, sure, you can-” He felt Jimmy leap onto his shoulder.

\---   


The cat used Ghost as a springboard to get over Sally, Papa, and now Billy as he came down to see the commotion. Colon, previously speaking to Billy, also became a platform to leap down into the basement.

_ I can just hide in the basement until they’re gone! That should work, right? _

_ _ _ Wait, isn’t the basement supposed to be closed? _

_ _ Jimmy skidded to a halt on the basement’s cold floor. Spencer was still down here, right?

The door closed behind him, sounds of confusion coming from upstairs. The question was answered when the cat found a ginger geek sitting on his computer playing some game. By this point Spencer wasn’t even looking at the game, he was just hitting keys and looking at Jimmy, analyzing him.

“Hey, Jim.”

Casket had the large confusion. “What? How’d you-”

“I know everything, Jim.  _ Everything _ .” Spencer took a swig of the gamer’s ambrosia, the Dew of Mountains. “Eugh, this stuff _ sucks _ . Who even makes it anymore? Anyway, yeah, must suck being a cat.” His lisp wasn’t as bad as it used to be, at least.

“But how do ya know everything?! That’s wrong. You’re wrong.”

“It’s true, though. You still sound like a cat to me, but I hear you just fine.” The tapping of Spencer’s number keys was getting distracting to Jimmy. “Anyway, do they know about it?”

“WOULDN’T YOU KNOW THAT?!”

Spencer shrugged. “Humor me.”

Jimmy huffed, walking a little closer to Spencer’s gaming area. “Yeah, they know.”

“Cool, that makes this easier. I’ll figure out who did that to you, and you just, uh, go away. Shoo. Mythic raiding is hard, can’t have cats.” The geek just started shooing Jimmy with his free hand.

“Do ya have any way out of here that isn’t through the door…?

“Nope.”

\---

The moment Jimmy got back to the door, it crashed open and he was suddenly in Sally’s death grip. “Kitty!”

Jimmy proceeded to hiss and claw and bite at her in an effort to get out. “ **JOHNNY WHY** ”  _ ALSO WHY DOES HER BLOOD TASTE LIKE SYRUP? _

_ _

\---

It took 20 whole minutes to get Jimmy away from Sally, and it took promises of waffles which Ghost hoped Sally hadn’t taken seriously.

The moment everyone was in the van with their things the cat curled up on the floor, shuddering. Then it turned to a quiet crying. “Why…”

Johnny reached a hand down to pet his double, which only earned him a new scar on his palm. Jimmy was up again, panting. “WHY.”

“Look, it was funny for the first like 5 minutes, then you were crying and I realized it wasn’--”

“ ** _NO!_ ** ” Jimmy made a point of interrupting. “I thought you were HELPIN’ ME!”

“We are! It’s just taking a while.”

The cat collapsed back on the floor. “Forget it.” He just started sobbing again.

“Hey,” Toast called from the front, once again riding shotgun. “Can you give him to me?”

“Uh, sure?” Ghost gingerly picked up the murderous floof and gave him over.

The petting and soft whispers made Jimmy feel a lot better. He calmed down, eventually falling asleep.

“How does that even work?” Ghost called from the back.

The good British boye whispered back. “Well, it works on you, doesn’t it?”

Ghost laughed. “Fine, let’s just get home. Got an early day tomorrow.”


End file.
